My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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