I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
