I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
