i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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