fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and she was petting her beer can
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
