I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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