He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
