i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
