sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
