it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
