I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
