he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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