That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
