i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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