Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We're too hungover to prance.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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