So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
