It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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