the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
