the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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