i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
