it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
