then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
