My cat gives me a boner
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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