Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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