I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
