Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
40s are totally the cure
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
