No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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