We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
