I faked an abortion last night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My penis needs a shock collar
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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