walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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