She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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