The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
