He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
