The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
