Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
