You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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