oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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