We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
