i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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