As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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