he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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