I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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