i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
