i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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