is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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