so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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