i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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