now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
