If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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