Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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