okay pat passed out under dana's car
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
