my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
His nipple licking is glorious
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