umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
