I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
