we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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