Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
