It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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