What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
