about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
