did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
