So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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