Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
