I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
