Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
