Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
