what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
