A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
