He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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