I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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