I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
