one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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