I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
