If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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