All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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