VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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