just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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