what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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