Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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